Well hello there Blog World, its been a while! In case you haven’t noticed I haven’t been blowing up your facebook or instagram feed lately it’s because things have been just a wee bit busy over here I am soooo excitied to announce that I am PREGNANT!! Due date is August 11th 2014.
I have had SUPER intense morning sickness, and we just moved houses and working full time I have basically been in bed by 8:30 every night ha! But I am finally past the first trimester and starting to feel more human again. I promise more blog posts will be coming soon! This post is very personal but I hope that our struggles and journey can help give hope to others! It is possible to get pregnant even admist many challenges! I am literally crying as I type this, all the emotions of the past couple years really hit me. So grab some popcorn and maybe some tissues and I’ll share our story
I thought I would open up a bit about our journey to get pregnant, it’s amazing how God’s timing is always perfect and looking back I can see how he has had his hand on our lives and this babies’ timing the whole time! Let’s see where do I even begin. Well David and I decided to start “trying” for a baby a little over 3 years ago. At first we thought let’s just see what happens, and then about 6 months into (with my very irregular cycles) I knew something wasn’t right. So after literally a year of bloodwork, xrays, scans, you name it, my doctor diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). There are different stages of PCOS mine is basically a hormonal imbalance, I don’t make enough progesterone therefore I have irregular periods (could go three months with nothing) which in return means I do not ovulate on my own. I will say for anyone struggling with infertility it is SUCH an emotional journey! It was bittersweet to hear a “diagnosis”. Part of me was glad it wasn’t more severe and we were on the right track to fix it and part of me was so angry that we even had to struggle with this. I would see friends and family get pregnant what felt like instantly and here we were a happy married couple who had our ducks in a row and yet we struggled with having a baby.
So after about another year of trying progesterone lotions & pills to try and regulate my cycles, still nothing. The next step we decided was fertility treatment. We saw an amazing dr at the FIRM. We proceeded to go through fertility hormone shots for about 6 months. This was also another roller coaster of emotions. Although we were purseuing pregnancy full force and had a great team of dr’s it still felt so overwhelming. And having to go to the dr’s every two weeks and then having a strict time schedule it made the whole process very stressful. And after 6 months of no luck we decided it was best to take a break. I remember feeling so disappointed. I was just so confused as to why we couldn’t get pregnant?! I was finally ovulating with the fertility treatment and yet nothing. There were nights when I would just cry myself to sleep and question God’s plan. This was a very stressful time for me personally. And looking back now I realize what a big stressball I was, and had we gotten pregnant then YES it would have been amazing but I also believe that I was not in a mental state to balance more than one thing. Even though I couldn’t see it at the time God was preparing David and I both to become parents, every struggle and every appointment was all part of his plan and has made this reward so much more amazing!
So fast forward to about 2.5 years of struggling to get pregnant we took a break from the fertility treatment and started looking into adoption. We were not actively pursueing it, but casually looking. I realized that I was beyond stressed out and I needed to take a mental break from trying to get pregnant. For anyone who has struggled with fertility issues, you know how taxing it can be. It is mentally draining, the constant questions and doubt really overwhelmed me. I kept alot of this to myself and didn’t talk about it, which I now realize probably led to the stress. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me but I know now that talking about our journey can help so many! PCOS does not have to be a stopping point for getting pregnant, it makes it more challenging but not impossible!
In August of 2013 after years of realizing I had let myself go and really put all my energy on getting pregnant that I was unhappy, overweight and NEEDED to make a change! Now let me just say this was not the first time I had tried to lose weight, as I have talked about before, in the past I had tried weightwatchers, “the salads only” diet, a juice fast. And I would do great for about three weeks then I would just get overwhelmed and hungry and never stuck to anything. I considered myself a pretty healthy person, I was running half marathons BUT what I didn’t realize was all the junk that was in the processed food I was eating. And for those of you who have done research on PCOS, what you EAT is VERY important! A minor detail I chose to look over ha! So a friend of mine told me about Jamie Eason’s 12 week Live Fit Program! All about clean eating and lifting weights! You can read more about my 30 pound weight loss and weekly journey HERE.
Not only did I lose 30 pounds in just a couple months, but I regained a whole new confidence! I realized I was stronger than I gave myself credit and when I put my mind to something I could accomplish anything! I made myself a priority again and it felt great! I can honestly say in those months I thought about having a baby but it was not every day. At the beginning of Jamie’s program I “gave” not only my health & fitness to God but also the fertility issues. What does it mean to give it to God? Well honestly I thought I knew and I thought I had done it in the past, with other things. But I realized I would say Okay God I am giving you this problem and believing you are going to fix it in your timing and yet I would still hold onto it, stress about it and let it consume me! After the fertility treatments I “thought” I gave it to God but really I just continued to let it overwhelm me and I couldn’t let it go. I tried to figure it out on my own.
Not in your own strength for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you, energizing and creating in you the power and desire, both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight. – Phillipians 2:13
I remember going to a wednesday night church service in September, I had already lost about 10 pounds and was feeling really great. One of our Pastors spoke on the book of Revelations,when Heaven is Silent. And I remember feeling like Heaven was silent in reference to us getting pregnant. That we had prayed and prayed, did God not hear us? And then our pastor talked about Genesis when God was forming Adam, and even in the clay that he was preparing him and molding him. That even when Heaven is Silent God is still forming us to his perfect plan! It hit me even admist the struggle I could finally see that God was preparing my mind and body to get ready for a baby! I didn’t know when but for this first time in YEARS I knew that I needed to continue to put myself and my body first & trust him! So I continued to eat clean and lift weights and fell in love with Jamie’s program!
Little did I know that just two weeks after completing Jamie’s program, I got pregnant!! The first two months I actually had regular cycles, and I thought wow maybe this clean eating is regulating my hormones naturally, and maybe I could get pregnant on my own?! But I did not stress and then when I missed my period in November I was a little bummed and thought O man, I guess it didn’t help my cycles, BUT I still had faith that it might take a while and if I couldn’t get pregnant than Gosh Dangit I would have toned arms and a flat stomach! HAHA Fast forward to December and I started feeling extremely nauseas! David kept asking me if I was pregnant (I had missed another period) but this was so normal for me I assured him it was impossible and that was not the case! I refused to take a test. And finally the day after Christmas, after feeling nauseas for three weeks straight (not to mention just the smell of coffee made me want to throw up!) Which should have been a red flag, but nope I just kept thinking I had the flu or something. I took a pregnancy test, now let me just say I have taken A TON of tests, biting my nails at those NEVERENDING two minutes and test after test I was devestated, so this time I just put it on the counter and went in the other room, not thinking twice. I came back a couple minutes later and was SHOCKED!!! A bright plus sign!
I had dreamed of that moment for YEARS! I always thought I would tell David in a grand romantic gesture and yet feeling like complete poo, in my glasses and hotmess pajamas I walked in the living room “David, I think I’m Pregnant?!” In all its unplanned nongrand gesture it was AMAZING! We held eachother for what felt like an hour. Both overwhelmed with emotion! I was still very hesitant and wanted to get another test just to make sure, so 4 tests later and getting bloodwork from the Doctors office, Yep sure enough I was pregnant! I was about 8 weeks! We couldn’t believe it! And just two weeks later we had our first appointment and got to see our little babe and hear the heartbeat! I will never forget that moment, suddenly all the struggles and disappoitments were worth it to finally get to see this amazing little person that God has blessed us with! We already love Baby Haley soooo much, I can’t wait till we can finally meet!
Here I am 15 weeks prego! I’ll be 16 weeks on Monday February 24th. Finally in the second trimester I am able to keep food down and the nausea has subsided. Not going to lie, the first couple of months were miserable! I lost 8 pounds and was throwing up 4-5 times a day! I got a prescription from my Doctor and it helped a little but it was still super exhausting. Needless to say I had to take a break from my workout schedule and was only able to keep down Peanut Butter & jellies ha! I still have a very hard time keeping down veggies, So I am going to try and add them back slowly, hoping they stay. It was has been so hard going from being so disciplined with my food and gym time, to just feeling absolutely exhausted and nothing sounds appetizing. But I really think this second trimester I will be able to get back in my routine & have a healthy & fit pregnancy!
I am so grateful now that I found Jamie’s program when I did. Looking back I know that without a doubt it was what I needed for me, to get my mind and body ready! I have established healthy habits and this pregnancy will be so much healthier & I will set a good example to our little one! It’s so crazy to think I am 15 weeks pregnant and weigh 30 pounds less than what I weighed just 6 months ago! Although this journey has not been easy I hope that my story can help others to not lose faith and to put yourself first even when it feels impossible!